Thursday, January 9, 2014

The Smack*

I read an article on 20 Unusual Uses of Vodka.
The insteresting part was this:
"Jelly Fish Bite Soother
Much like vodka helps to treat poison ivy on the skin, 
the liquid also helps to alleviate the pain and itch that come post nasty jelly fish bite. 
Bring along a 1:1 mixture of vodka and water in a spray bottle 
to the beach just in case of an attack."
There's a few things I'd like to point out.
1. I've never seen a jelly fish with teeth and never received a "bite" from one.
If I ever saw one with teeth I would probably crap my pants and pass out
because I imagine one would look like a massive Kraken with stinging tenticles
and a beak like mouth.
2. I've never witnessed a jellyfish "attack". I've never known them to actually be capable
of going after a specific person or thing. Plus, what would you call a movie
about a jellyfish attack? Jellyfish doesn't really strike fear.
Neither does Stinging Nettle.
Jaws is taken.
3. Watering down vodka to spray on your skin after being viciously attacked and 
chewed upon by a jellyfish seems a waste of perfectly good vodka.  
I'd suggest drinking it.

For a way to soothe Jellyfish stings without wasting perfectly good liquor 
or peeing on your leg (I'm not making this up), 
go read about meat tenderizer.
Or check out this preventative option.

*A group of jellyfish is called a smack.  I guess we have the name of our movie


  1. Smack Attack: what happens when people bring vodka to the beach and drink it instead of waiting for the inevitable stings that will occur when the person passes out on a ducky float in the middle of Hills Bay, for example, and later wakes up downstream the Piankatank somewhere. When their friends find them, they smack them silly. Their sunburn hurts worse than the stinging nettle stings which have long worn off.

    I'm sorry. This wasn't fiction writing class, it's just a comment that I'm forcing to a merciful close because I could keep going. Thanks for the informative post. No longer will I worry about stinging nettles with teeth. I will, however, be cognizant of the potential for smack attacks with or without vodka.

  2. LOL I read your comment before going to bed last night and had one crazy dream in the hour and a half I slept. I might have to do a cartoon about it should I find the time.